How to Fly
by Jinxgirl
Summary: What is the story of Legs Sadovsky, and what drove her to betray Faith and her Watcher to the point of Diana's death at Kakistos's hands? Legs's pov, crossover with Foxfire.
1. Chapter 1

How to Fly

Author notes: This takes place in the timeline of my Watch Your Back series, when Faith was 14-15, both before living with her Watcher and up to the time period of when she was called. I was asked to write a story from Legs's point of view, so I have done so…everything that Legs mentions about her past is directly from Joyce Carol Oates's book Foxfire: Confessions of a Girl Gang. In fact there are several quotes that are directly from the novel. The purpose of this story, mainly, is for people who have followed the series to have an understanding of Legs's background and what drove her to betray Faith as she is- and for them to understand that she is not the sociopath that from Faith's point of view, she appears to be.

Also, although I have it categorized under movie crossover, this entire series is really more of a crossover with the book Foxfire than the movie.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, that would be Joss Whedon and Joyce Carol Oates. All quotes from Joyce Carol Oates I do not own, either.

Chapter 1

I probably wouldn't have stopped, if she hadn't reminded me of Maddy.

I mean it wasn't like it was the best thing to do, for me or for her. The kid was obviously new to the streets- I could tell from the way she was dressed that she hadn't worked out the art of layering yet, and that's something you have to do in the winter just to stay alive sometimes. It looked to me like the clothes she was wearing, when I first saw her, were the clothes she'd been wearing for the past week or two, which was probably exactly how long she'd been on the streets. You just can't do that, go so long without swapping out for new stuff for so long, and except to still blend in. And it sure as hell doesn't help when you're like 13 or 14 and scrawny as hell, which she was.

Cops will be all over you if you don't know your stuff about blending in, moving fast, and always, always looking like you know exactly what you're doing. You stumble for half a second and they catch you before you hit the ground on your own, throw you down way harder than you'd ever hit all on your own. If you didn't know how to act, you were screwed in more than just the literal way, and it was pretty much guaranteed you were gonna end up getting screwed that way too.

The kid looked like she definitely didn't know what she was doing. First off, she didn't have the right way of carrying herself- it was like she was drawing herself up all defensive, just daring someone to cross her, but since I'd bet all the money I'd ever lifted in my lifetime she wasn't older than 14, didn't weigh more than 100 pounds, and hadn't been on the streets for more than two weeks, it was total bullshit. You want people to leave you alone, you have to be casual along with confident, blending in, not walking around like you're challenging someone to call you out. Then the way she hung around outside the gas station too long before going in, not even smoking a cigarette or doing something to look like she had a reason to be hanging around other than stealing, total amateur stuff. I swear it was as bad as Rita practically, before we worked Rita over. Then when I followed her inside, she was walking around STARING at everything, picking up fucking CHIPS, like anyone can walk out the door with those crackling under their clothes and not get a one way ride to juvie in the deal for the effort. The kid was screwed.

I wasn't gonna help her. I was just watching, because honestly it's a long, boring day sometimes, out there alone with nothing much you have to do other than the same kind of shit every day. What good would it do if I helped the girl out? She was so young and new, and there would be so much to teach her before I could trust she wasn't gonna get us both caught down the line. And I damn well couldn't afford to get caught, not when I was probably wanted with a warrant and everything, back in New York. With what I'd done, it wouldn't be just juvie this time, it would be prison, and then what about the rest of Foxfire, what if they got in trouble too? Or what if this girl couldn't be trusted?

Prison…I'd kill people before I would go back to juvie, I swear I would, or at least hurt them so I could get away. I would kill myself before I'd go to prison. That's the one thing I always promised, after getting out, that no one would ever do to me again what they did to me in there, no matter what. No one would ever hurt me, no one would ever touch me, no one was ever gonna put their foot to the back of my neck again…and not to Maddy either. And if they got me…if this girl got me caught…it might not matter what I said, Maddy might go down with me.

It was too much at risk, helping the girl out. I shouldn't do it. It wasn't like she was Foxfire…not one of my sisters, my blood. I never promised her anything. I didn't even know her.

But then I started thinking about the girl getting caught, and going to juvie like I did when I was her age. I was almost sixteen, but I was only almost fifteen back then, and still just a kid, just like her. I thought about this girl getting stripped and searched, this girl getting kicked in the ribs and poked in the eye until the pus ran for weeks. I thought about the guards and then I couldn't think about it anymore because it made my hands shake and my stomach cramp up, and I thought I might puke if I didn't watch it.

She reminded me of Maddy, and I would never, ever let that happen to Maddy. So I had to help.

I stepped up behind the girl with Maddy's long dark hair and Maddy's bony body, and it was almost like I could go back in time, like I was 13 and climbing through Maddy's window, crawling into her bed, as I slipped an arm around the girl's shoulders and whispered in her ear.

"You haven't been doing this for too long, have you, babe?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We never should have kidnapped Mr. Kellogg.

I don't know why I thought that was gonna be a good plan. I mean, we were doing okay with just hooking, me and the rest of the Foxfire girls. We were making good money, even Maddy, even though she looked so young a lot of guys don't really think of her that way. It has nothing to do with her not being pretty like Goldie said. That's total bullshit. Maddy's every bit as pretty as me and Rita, prettier than me, even. People are just picky assholes is all. Sometimes you don't get a great chance to take their money, is all, and sometimes they didn't have much. Still, if we had even one girl a day hook one guy and take his cash, it was good money, and as long as no one got hurt it was working out. We weren't making a lot all the time, but it was some, and with Goldie and Lana having jobs too it was enough to have the stuff we needed to stay at the house, anyway, and since it was abandoned it wasn't like we had to pay rent.

But we weren't making money FAST, and there was so much we needed it for, not for us, so much, for other people, and who else was gonna get it but us? Marigold from juvie couldn't get a job, her parents wouldn't take her back and she didn't have anywhere to go, she was the only one in the whole fucking place who wasn't trying to make me lose it and I owed her something for that, didn't I? And Maddy's mom and Lana's sister's kids, and my own little sister, my own baby sister Evangeline and her mom Muriel. My dad was such a fucking drunk bastard he didn't even CARE, his own kid in the hospital ever since she's born and he can't even go SEE her, forget helping Muriel with money for her. My own baby sister in the hospital, not even able to hardly BREATHE, and they could kick her out, I bet, if Muriel didn't pay long enough, and then what? Just let her die?

Fuck, I couldn't think about that, not then, not after it all. If we could get enough money, all at once, we could give it to Muriel and maybe we'd never have to worry about Evangeline again.

But we fucked it all up when V.V. almost killed Mr. Kellogg, and now maybe that killed Evangeline too. Because she didn't get one dollar, NOTHING from it. And now maybe she'll grow up thinking I'm dead, that I was a screw up just doing shit to do it, and she'll never know it was all for her. She'll never know how much I loved her, how I would have gave her all my breath so she'd never go blue again.

Or maybe she'll never grow up at all, and that's my fault too.

I didn't know it would go so bad. I figured, Mr. Kellogg is rich, he can stand to lose a million bucks anyway. We'd take him, me and the rest of the gang, and we wouldn't hurt him, we would just ask his family for money, and once we had it we'd let him go, no harm done.

But he wouldn't talk, he wouldn't eat, and his wife, his damn stupid wife wouldn't pay, and then V.V. shot him and everything was fucked from then on.

I couldn't let them go down for it, the rest of the gang. It was my idea, it was all for me, and if it got screwed over it should be me who went down. So I told them to run…and when the cops came, it was me they saw, and me they took off after. It's me they're still after, even though after the car over the bridge incident, which I wasn't even part of in the first place, I'm pretty sure they think I'm dead. That's probably the best thing even for the girls, because if they think I'm alive they'd come looking for me, and then they'd get in trouble too.

I knew all my options, if I ever got caught, if anyone knew I wasn't even sixteen yet and still on the streets, let alone that I was Margaret Ann Sadovsky and I kidnapped one of the richest guys in New York. If I was lucky it would be back to foster homes or my grandma, or my drunkass dad who smacked me around every time he got pissed and lied about me in court and doesn't want me around anyway, my dad who probably fucking killed my mom but then sends me off to juvie when all I did was DEFEND myself and Violet with the stupid switchblade, I mean if you can't pull a knife on a guy trying to feel up on your own sister what the hell can you pull it for? And if I wasn't lucky, it would have been juvie, or prison, and I'd kill or die first.

No, I figured it was better if I never saw them again, if they all thought I was dead. Even Maddy, because that's what would keep them all safe.

Maddy…god, I missed her so much. It was bad in juvie, but it was worse after I had to play dead, because playing dead would last forever. In juvie I could write to Maddy, even if what I wrote was stupid bullshit that didn't say anything at all, because all the staff would read it before they'd pass it on. In juvie when it was really bad and I thought I'd go crazy or break apart into pieces if I had to be there one more second hearing their yelling, seeing their stupid grinning faces and feeling their hands on me, I could think of Maddy, see her even with my eyes wide open, and I knew if I just kept my cool I'd get out one day and see her again and nothing would ever pull me away.

But when you're dead to someone, you don't have any of that. You can't write or call and you know you can never see them, and it's almost like you're really dead after all. Because you're dead to them. And after a while even if you close your eyes and see her face so clearly it's like she's right there with you, you start to forget how her voice sounded, and how it felt to lay down with her arms around you…the way her eyes glowed when you told her she was your heart.

And she was, you know. Killer, Maddy, Maddy-Monkey…she was mine somehow. I loved my other Foxfire sisters, but Madeleine Faith Wirtz was my heart.

Sometimes after it happened, and I was alone like always, settling in on some fire escape or under a bridge or wherever I was for the night, I'd lay down, and I'd be sick like usual in this fucking awful cold, shivering and coughing like a smoker even though I gave it up when it was too much effort to bum them all the time. I'd be sniffing up snot, keeping my hand over my heart tracing the Foxfire flame that's been there since I put it there myself when I was thirteen. I'd trace the flame not needing to see it to know the shape, and I'd wonder if somewhere back in New York, or wherever she was then, Maddy was touching hers too.

I hoped she was, that she'd never, ever forget me or her Foxfire sisters, or everything we stood for, that even with it all fucked three ways to Sunday she'd still remember when it was like it was supposed to be, and we were making a difference. Lifting up women, protecting and providing for them, putting the asshole men that kept them down and hurt them in their place…but I was always scared that maybe she didn't, that maybe she moved on. Found another girl, or worse, a man, and forgot all about me and Foxfire…told him the tattoo was a birthmark and forgot more than my face…forgot me and everything we were.

It can happen, I know it can, because I forgot my own mother, and she's the one who gave me life, even though I think my father probably took hers away. She might have died for me, and I can't even remember her face…I can't remember anything about her. I didn't ever want that to happen with me and Maddy.

But I could never see her to let her know she was still my heart, and no matter what I could never forget. So when I saw the girl in the gas station and she was Maddy all over, even if she and Maddy didn't actually look all that much alike, it was like the world was letting me know I had one last chance, and she was it.

So I took it. Should have known I would screw it up too.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Her name was Faith, she said, and that was like a neon sign right there saying I'd done the right thing, because Maddy's middle name was Faith, and what more did I need to say go?

She said she was 15 and had been on the streets for three months, but that had to be a lie. I told her I was 17 and I damn well was lying since it would be about another fourteen months until I could say that and it be true. I figured she was 13 or 14, but I was pretty sure her name was real. I told her my name was Legs, and it wasn't a lie. I never thought of myself as Margaret, so it wasn't like it was worth mentioning that name to her.

And from the start, first half hour of meeting her, I was so damn glad, because she really did have a lot to learn, and god was she fun to teach. She was just a kid, but she was fast at learning, and unlike Maddy and Rita and some of the others, Faith didn't have a thousand questions about if it was right. She just did what I said and she liked it as much as I did, and I knew even on the first day that she was gonna be mine, just like Maddy, and I was so damn glad to have her.

She didn't ask about me, and I didn't ask about her. We didn't' really need or want to know. Instead we just made it our plan to stick together, help each other, and have a good time doing it, and that was all we needed.

And shit, we did everything Boston had to offer. Stealing from grocery stores and the mall, reading comics in the bookstore, screwing around in parks and cemeteries and playgrounds when no one else was around, making snowmen and snow angels until we were too cold to move anymore, then sticking our hands up each other's shirts to make each other scream and warm up too. I took her up trees and on roofs, took her to get her first tattoo and showed her how to hook and steal, teaching her everything I'd had to teach myself to get by, like I had Maddy and Foxfire. I showed her how to break into the YMCA at night and use their pools and showers, and I swear, she was so fucking beautiful I wanted to touch her and kiss her and never let her go.

But I did that with Maddy. I had Maddy just like I wanted to have Faith, and then I had to let her go. So if I took Faith and I did that with her…if I really let it happen…then what if it happened again, and I had to let Faith go just like Maddy? What if I fucked up her life just like Maddy's?

So every time I felt like we were getting close to that point, where I might kiss Faith or make a promise I maybe couldn't keep, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to her. So I would grin and pull away, making her chase me, making her lighten up…because I didn't want her to know how much I loved her. Or for her to love me.

But I did. And I think she loved me too, even though she never said. Because it was just so hard NOT to.

Every time Faith smiled at me and her dimples showed up, and they were so damn cute I couldn't help but smile too…every time she looked at me like she was worried when I was coughing, and cuddled up to me at night, her head all heavy on my shoulder, her breath on my neck…every time I hugged her after she woke up from bad dreams and she hugged me back, her heart pounding against mine like she trusted me to be the one to keep her safe…every time she let me touch her hair and arched her spine like a cat, without even seeming to know she was doing it…every time she listened to me tell her all about guys and how to handle them and she nodded all serious, before telling me some bullshit story about a drummer named Kenny and some guy with a bullwhip named Ronnie. And especially every time I looked at her going off to hook, 14 and trusting I knew what I was talking about when I said it was alright, or lurking in the shadows with a knife as I took my turn, her face hard and determined like she would kill if she thought I needed her to…every time, every day there was more reasons to love her, and I couldn't. I shouldn't.

We never talked about who we were before, what we'd done or what had been done to us. It didn't matter. We didn't care. We knew who we were now, and that was what we wanted.

I told her she was my heart, but I couldn't tell her I loved her…not even if she'd ever said it first. She was Maddy for me all over again but she was Faith too, braver and bolder and more experienced than Maddy, more rough…more like me. But she was still just a kid, and there was so much she didn't know, that I could teach her, and she looked at me like I was way older and knew way more…like she wanted to be just like me. Like she'd follow me no matter where I went or what I did. It felt awesome, like I had this power I had to give away a while, after what happened with Maddy…it felt right. Like everything was okay again.

If anyone ever asked, I would have said I'd do anything to protect Faith, especially against men. I would have said I'd defend her with my life, no matter what. But I fucked that up too, and in the end we both paid for it.

So much for second chances.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own the majority of quotes in this chapter, they are quoted from Foxfire by Joyce Carol Oates.

I didn't know what was going on when it first started happening. There were hands on me, grabbing me, messing with my clothes, and I didn't know who it was or what they were trying to do. My first thought was it was Faith, and she was finally making the first move, but shit, why was she being so rough about it? My next thought was maybe it was Ab, my dad- but how did he find me, what did I do, and why would he be screwing with my clothes instead of just hitting me like usual?

But then I opened my eyes and it wasn't either one of them, I should have guessed it wasn't anyone I knew at all. It was a man, a man with rough, dirty fingers pawing at my chest, fumbling with the zipper of my jeans, a man with patchy stubble all over his cheeks and chin and eyes that glittered as he grinned down at me. His breath was hot and reeked like booze and cigarettes and one piss-poor example of teeth brushing.

I tried to roll away from him. I tried to hit out at him, get to my feet and run like hell. But then his filthy hands were grabbing my arms, forcing me back down, and I couldn't get away. He was sitting on me, his groin right there on my stomach, and I could feel it, how much he wanted me. And he was gonna have me, if I couldn't get him off. I knew he was.

I didn't even want him to fucking TOUCH me, and he was gonna take me right there, right with Faith watching, she was gonna see this and he might get her too. Where was Faith- oh no, oh shit, Faith, did he have-

I couldn't turn my head but I moved my eyes to the side, and there was another man who had her, a man who must have pulled her away from me. He had her backed up against the alley wall and he was holding her too, and touching her, he was gonna have her too, she couldn't help me and I couldn't help her and they were gonna do anything, whatever they wanted and I had swore, I had promised myself this would never happen, this could never happen again, I would never ever let this happen again.

And it was happening. I had lied.

Faith's eyes met mine, and she looked young, so fucking young and helpless and scared and ANGRY, like she wanted me to do something like she expected me to do something because I was older and knew more and I was supposed to always have a plan. I was supposed to just run in balls bared and nothing, nothing was ever supposed to scare me or keep me down. That's what I'd told her. That's what she believed.

But that man had me, that man was hurting me, his smell and touch and the mumbling slurred words he was saying were all around me, and I couldn't stay there anymore, I couldn't let it happen anymore. So I flew away. I kept my eyes open but I raised them up to the sky, and I wasn't there anymore at all.

I was flying. I was a hawk, fucking strong, fucking beautiful, and I was flying over them all, and no one could ever touch me, no one could ever take me down, I wasn't even there.

You have to do that, you know, to survive.

"Sadovsky," they'd say in juvie, before I could do it, take myself away, "what you looking at me like that for, you think you're hot shit? Think you got something to smirk over?"

"You're hiding something, Sadovsky, I can see it in your eyes! Against the wall, now, and spread 'em, you're getting searched!"

"You think you're real tough shit, eh? Legs Sadovsky, Foxfire? Yeah, I been hearing about YOU. Hoping I was gonna see YOU…"

"You little shit! Oh baby, are you gonna be sorry for that, hot-shit n******* lover-"

"You in a GANG, Sadovsky? You put out- who you screwing in that gang of yours? Why don't you show and tell, why don't you-"

"You ain't the only one born with tits and ass, honey!"

Holding me down, restraining, they call it, I'm violent, I'm resistant, got to show my place. Fingers on me, in me, just checking me out they say, making sure I'm safe, just giving back what I gave out and everyone's watching, everyone sees, and in the shower they're gonna get me too because I can do it and they can't…I can leave and they'll still be here, feeling it all while I just fly away.

So in the alley I flew away, but I guess Faith had to stay behind. Because next thing I knew there she is, there's no one touching me, no one near me at all except two guys on the floor. I could see them there, broken and bloody, and it looked like they weren't even breathing…but Faith was hitting them. Faith had something in her hands, a pipe, and she was hitting them, her eyes open wide, and she was screaming. Screaming and hitting them, and they were gonna die, and maybe she didn't know me, maybe she didn't hear me when I started to scream her name. But I guess I flew away again, because next thing I knew I was somewhere else, some rooftop god knows where, and I was shaking hard, my teeth chattering, and my shirt was half ripped and my jeans were unzipped and my cheeks were wet, and my stomach knocked around so much I thought I'd puke. And Faith, I didn't know where she was, because when I flew away I guess I left her behind.

I looked for her, I swear I looked everywhere we'd gone, everywhere I could think she might go, for weeks. That was all I wanted, to find her. It was my fault if she had killed those guys…it was my fault if the cops got her, or anyone else. What if she was in juvie now, or prison, what if she was exactly where I tried to keep her out of in the first place, just because I never taught her how to do what I could?

"Fight back," I always told her. "Don't ever let a man take you down. Do whatever you have to so you can come out on top." I told her that and she had to pay because of it, I thought, and I had to find her, protect her again.

But I couldn't. I looked for weeks and I knew when I couldn't find her what that meant. Juvie. They had Faith in juvie, and she was so young and she didn't know how to do what I could, and they would keep her there for years. They would never let her go. It was almost like she died, and I couldn't do shit about it.

I tried to move on, but what do you do when you know you can't ever be with anyone again? Because I couldn't. It was too dangerous for them, I'd fuck up their life like everyone else's. and if they left too…it was too much. I was better off alone. Safer. I always had been.

So I stuck to myself for the next year, and I did whatever I had to so I could live. Stealing and hooking and breaking into places, and if I saw a girl who was anything at all like Faith or Maddy I walked away fast as my legs would go. At night when I dreamed about them or if I ever thought about them in the day, I just turned back into a hawk and flew away, and then it was okay again.

I didn't think I could fuck Faith over any more than I already had, but then I guess I haven't been right about a lot of things in life.

Tbc


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I guess it would still have been okay, if I hadn't decided to move back to New York. It's like the whole world was just trying to make sure I screwed everyone over as bad as me, because how was I supposed to know that Faith was living in New York too?

I don't know why I moved, really, other than it had been two years since the kidnapping and I had to look sort of different now than I had then. My hair was longer and I was 17, not 15, and surely no one was still out looking for me, I figured. Probably Foxfire was all about to go to college, Maddy too, and I wouldn't see them. If I stayed to myself, it would be okay. I just wanted to go back…I just wanted to be home again, even if I didn't have a home to go to.

So I moved back, and that was when I started hearing stuff on the street about vampires and a Slayer in town who was after them. I had heard about vampires before, but I figured it was all drunks or acidheads talking delusions. But you go to enough clubs and hear enough shit, you start to think that maybe there's some truth to it. And enough people talking about a little girl Slayer with dark hair and a tattooed arm, and I started getting suspicious… and then one of them said the name Faith, and I knew.

God, I was so happy. Not about the Slayer thing, because I didn't get that at all, but because Faith was here, she was alive, and it sounded like she was totally kicking ass. She was okay, and I wanted to bad to see her and let her know I was too.

So I did some looking into stuff and listening around on streets and in clubs, and after a while I found out she was living with some woman, and even where she lived. I could go to her whenever I wanted. I could go with her and it would be…what? I didn't have a clue, because I never even thought it could happen.

I hitched to her neighborhood once, went to stand in front of her huge new rich house, and I almost went up and rang the doorbell. I stood there for like twenty minutes, and I really thought about it, how she'd be so shocked to see me there. Maybe she would be pissed off, maybe she would tell me to get the hell away from her, but maybe she would be happy to see me. Maybe she would tell me to come in, and I'd tell her I missed her, and I didn't really mean to leave her and never forgot her. Maybe I'd tell her I was sorry and she was still my heart. Maybe…I fucking hate that word.

But then I thought about her living in that huge nice house, and I thought how she must have all these expensive clothes to go with it now and all kinds of shit even I could never steal, and how she was older and probably bigger now, even hotter than ever, and she probably looked about a billion times better and knew it too. She wouldn't want me anymore, and why the hell would she when she had all this? Faith didn't need me…and I didn't belong here even if she did.

I hadn't changed my clothes in three days, so they were wrinkled and dirty, baggy as hell, and my hair was growing out with a shitload of split ends. My lips were cracked and chapped, and my nose was raw and running like every two minutes because I couldn't shake the stupid cold that seemed to start in November and hang on until May. I didn't belong anywhere near that house.

It was better if I just let her alone, let her have her life without me in peace. The screwy thing is, it turned out I screwed her over way more by walking away that day than if I had marched in and made myself at home. Figures I would never make the right choice.

88888888888888888

I didn't know the guy was a vampire. I'd come across them a couple of times before, right around the time I found out about Slayers, but I always managed to outrun them or outclimb them. I guess being 5'9 and having long-ass legs and arms helps with that. But usually you can tell these things by how they dress, like they don't have a clue what decade it is, or all dark and Victorian, and if you don't' hang around cemeteries at night you're usually good.

But this guy seemed normal. Well, not normal, because it's not usually normal guys hanging around 17-year-old street kids in a club who are gonna take off and screw her in the alley in between, but then again maybe it is, because that's like the only kind of guy I ever seem to see. So he didn't seem weird to me. Not any more a monster than any other guy around.

So I went with him outside and into the alley and started prepping myself up to screw him fast and take his cash, but I'd barely even moved in close to him when I saw the shadows coming in behind me. There were two other guys closing in on us…a set-up, a fucking set-up! And when I looked back at the guy from the club fast, hoping like hell I was wrong, his eyes went yellow, his whole face changed into something ugly and twisted like a snake, and he grinned at me with long FANGS coming out over his lips.

"So, baby," he drawled, his hand still holding my shoulder, rubbing his thumb on my skin. "Wanna get to know each other?"

Then he spun me around and slammed my back into the wall, hard, and the other two were closing in, and they all looked the same, like vampires, fucking VAMPIRES, and they all wanted me, how the hell was I supposed to get away?

I yelled and twisted around, stomping at his feet, trying to get him in the gut or groin, but he just laughed, it was like he thought it was FUNNY. I managed to keep him from getting hold of one hand though, and I got my switchblade out of my pocket, whipped it out, and jabbed him hard, right in the ribs. My heart was going so hard I thought maybe I'd done it, maybe he'd let go and I could get away. But all he did was pull it out, just barely flinching, and throw it over his shoulder just before grabbing me by the hair and slinging me down to the ground.

I hit my head hard and it hurt, bad, all these white sparks shooting across my eyes. Then all three of them were dropping down over me, taking my arms, saying what they were gonna do to me, just like juvie, just like before, only now it was worse, because I knew I was gonna die. I was gonna die, and no matter how bad I wanted I couldn't make myself forget that for long enough to fly away.

So as they were still standing over me, practically pissing themselves with the anticipation of eating me alive or something, literally, I started to scream. I didn't plan any of what I was saying at all. It just kinda came out…it just came out and I guess I hoped that it would make them stop.

"The Slayer will get you for this, the Slayer will make you pay! You think she's not gonna find out about this, the Slayer will stake you all for this, the Slayer will kill you!"

And it actually worked. They all jerked back a little and blinked a bunch, looking at me like they couldn't believe their ears. I guess most victims don't invoke the name of the big bad Slayer just as they're about to chow down, and it kind of shook them up.

"You know about the Slayers?" one of them asked, and I nodded like crazy, desperate to say anything that might make them let me go, or at least get distracted enough so I could break free.

"Yes! Yes, she's my best friend, you think I don't know her, you think she's not gonna find out what you did to me and come hunt you down? The Slayer will kill you for this! I was going to her house now, she's gonna come looking when I don't show up, she's gonna-"

"You know where the Slayer lives?" they asked, and they were looking at each other, not me now, and there was something weird about their faces…like they were excited. But I didn't really think about it. All I knew was I wanted them to let me go, right now, right away, so I nodded again, gasping for breath.

"Yeah, yeah, I do, and if I don't show up, she's gonna-"

"You take us over to the Slayer," one of them demanded. "And then, if you do everything we say…if it all works out and you're not messing around…then we'll let you go."

This wasn't an offer or a choice, this was a command. Because they didn't give me five seconds to think about it before they were yanking me to my feet and dragging me out the alley and to this black van parked not too far off. They threw me inside and climbed in after me, locking all the doors and windows before I could even think of jumping out. All the backseats had been taken out so it was just a big empty space. Then while the two in the back held me down, the one in front drove, eventually pulling over onto the side of a deserted road before climbing into the backseat with me and the other two.

They said they'd let me go, but I couldn't, there was no way in hell I could tell them where she lived or direct them to her. They would try to kill her, and no way could I tell them. I couldn't ever let Faith die…even if they were gonna kill me for it.

But then they started in on convincing me. And everything I wanted and said I'd do didn't mean much when you actually had to go through with it.

"You're gonna tell us where the Slayer is," one of them said all casual, even as they were staring me right in the face, even though they were holding me down so I couldn't move, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming right then with their cold hands on me, holding me down.

"No I'm not…so let me go," I managed, but of course they weren't gonna. They just squeezed me tighter and tighter until their nails were cutting into my arms and I could feel my bones almost breaking, and I screamed, trying to pull away, but I had to stop fast because it only hurt more.

"You're going to take us to the Slayer," they said, still all casual even as my arms started bleeding. Oh shit what if that made them excited, what if they couldn't control themselves much longer because of the blood? "You're taking us to the Slayer, and you're gonna be bait….you'll be the one who calls her out."

Oh no…oh shit…this couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening.

"No," I almost whispered, and they grabbed my face, digging nails into my cheeks. I tried to close my eyes, think of the sky, and flying, but all I could see was their yellow eyes over me, their fanged grins.

Where is she, they asked, where is she, and I shook my head, eyes shut, no no no…and then one of them leaned close, his voice so damn scary then I opened my eyes.

"I think she needs a little motivation to comply," he said, and then…he lifted my arm to his mouth, opened up wide, and bit me, his fang cutting deep into my arm. He sucked hard, licking up the blood and grinning through red-stained teeth when he finally pulled away.

I couldn't help it, I screamed, loud enough to even scare my own self because I could hardly recognize me in the sound. The pain was bad, so bad I was kind of panting and gasping for breath, because it was shooting up my whole arm and shoulder like he'd stuck poison up my blood. Maybe he did. My whole arm was throbbing so much I couldn't even move it really even though I was fighting like hell to get away, and I closed my eyes tight and told myself, think about the sky, think about flying, just go away…but I couldn't do it. They were holding me too hard and they were too close and it hurt too much and I couldn't get away, not even inside my head.

"Still don't remember?" they said, and I didn't know who was who anymore, they all looked the same to me and were blurry in front of my eyes, because it was so damn hard not to cry. "Guess you need some more motivation."

Then they were biting me again, two of them, then all three. My arms and my wrists and my neck, just hard enough to bleed, just enough to not totally rip me open, shoving up my shirt and biting my stomach too, making their way up, at least eight or ten bites and all the while they would pause to say something I was screaming too loud to hear. And they wouldn't stop. It hurt so bad I thought it would kill me and they weren't stopping…all I wanted was for the pain to stop, I couldn't take one more bite, I just wanted it to stop, stop, STOP…

So I told them. They had said they would stop…they had said they would let me live, if I told them. So I told them. I screamed it so loud it hurt my throat, and even my chest, and I was crying pretty bad, shaking too…I told them Faith's street, and I told them what her house looked like.

I should have let them kill me. It's probably what Faith would have done for me, but I couldn't do it for her. I couldn't even think of her. I just…wanted it to stop.

And they did. They stopped biting me then and they just looked down at me like they thought a girl covered in blood and tears and snot was about the funniest thing in the world, and it probably was to them, the bastards. They said some more smug shit I couldn't really listen to, and then one of them called someone on a cell phone, someone named K something or another, Kakito or something…then they threw me down on the van floor and started driving, and I knew where we were going. They were going to Faith's house. They were going to get Faith, and it was because of me. Because I told them where she lived.

No…no, no, no…they couldn't do this, they couldn't hurt her, not because of me. NO.

I tried the whole way to think of something, anything to do where they couldn't do this. They said I'd be bait…how? What if I just wouldn't be? What if I told Faith what was going on, or I just wouldn't do it…what if I warned her? But I couldn't think of how to do it without getting hurt worse, and I hurt so fucking bad then it was hard not to pass out or puke. I could feel the blood soaking into my shirt and running down my neck, and then it seemed like hardly any time at all before we were pulling up in front of Faith's house and it was too late to run away anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

They turned towards me then, parked one house down and across the street from Faith's, and I thought at first that maybe it was okay, maybe they had the wrong house. But then one of them went ahead making his way really sneakily over to the right house, Faith's house, I guess to be standing there waiting, hiding for when she came out. And the other two grabbed me and threw me out the van door hard so I hit the asphalt on my hands and knees, skinned them all to shit and about passed out all over again from how much it hurt the rest of me.

"I don't' care how you do it," one of them said, "You're bringing her out, her Watcher, or both…you do that, and we'll let you go."

I wouldn't have thought I could stand up at all at that point, and I damn well wouldn't have thought I could walk across the street, up a driveway, and onto a porch. And at first I didn't even try. I just stayed bent over on my hands and knees, my head pounding and spinning so much I could hardly think anything at all, and I wasn't gonna do it.

But one of them bent down and dragged the tip of his fang across my wrist, and that was all I needed. All I could think was I didn't want another bite, I couldn't let them bite me again.

So I stood up. I don't know how, but I did it. I stood up and limped really slow across the street and up the driveway of Faith's house. They were following after me, keeping a distance, but I knew I couldn't run away, and I knew what would happen if I stopped.

The whole time I was stumbling along I was thinking please don't let her be home, don't be home, don't let her fucking be home…and she wasn't. But in the end it was just as bad.

By the time I got to the door I was shaking so bad I had to lean against it, or my legs would have just collapsed under me, and I was crying again, not making any noise or anything but tears were going pretty hard. And I was still praying no one would be home. But there was a car in the driveway so I knew there probably was.

They told me to knock on the door. They were on the porch now, at the sides, so whoever came to the door wouldn't see them until it was too late. They were right there, and I knew they'd bite again if I didn't do it…fuck, I was scared. I was hurt and scared and sick and…but it doesn't matter why. I did it. I reached out and knocked hard on the door and everything after was because of that.

It wasn't Faith who came to the door. It wasn't Faith, so for a minute I was so damn glad I almost smiled. But then I realized it didn't matter. They could use her to get Faith too, and I didn't have to look at the vampires to know they would.

The lady who answered the door looked like she was fifty or something, but she was tall and pretty skinny and pretty hot to be old, I guess, with short black hair. Her eyes were really bright blue, like a bird, and right away they got big and worried when she looked at me, gasping and covering her mouth with one hand. This must be the lady who Faith lives with, I thought, just before she spoke up with a really British accent.

"Good heavens! What has happened- how badly are you hurt? Was there an accident- can you speak? Come here, child, let me help you- let me-"

She reached to touch my shoulders really gently, like she was gonna hold me up, and she was half out the doorway now, one foot out on the porch. But once she was a little closer I guess she saw the bite marks better, because she sucked in her breath and her face went all stiff, and she tightened her hand on my shoulder and used the other one to lift my arm close to her face.

"Those are bite marks," she said in a really serious voice, looking up at me. "Good heavens, all of this is bite marks?"

It was something about the way she was touching me so gently, like she didn't want to hurt me, when she didn't even know me…the way she was looking at me like she cared, and wanted to help. And there were three fucking vampires on the porch and I'd lead them straight to this woman who was acting like she wanted to help me, and it was all so fucking wrong I started crying harder, way more than before, like where it felt like it was gonna break my whole chest open.

I should have shoved her into the house and locked the door. I should have told her to run. But I couldn't think of any of this, all I could do was stand there and bawl like a fucking baby because I knew what was coming. I knew how bad we were screwed.

But meanwhile the woman was even more worried and she put her hand on my cheek, kind of rubbed at my shoulder like she was gonna calm me down, and she took another step out onto the porch.

"It's all right, child, shh, you are safe now. I promise you that you are safe. Listen to me. I want you to think carefully. Those that attacked you…did they make you drink anything?"

I knew what she was asking. She wanted to see if they'd turned me into a vampire. I shook my head, and she repeated her question, asking again if I was sure, then sighed in relief I guess, taking my arm and kind of tugging at it like she wanted me to take her inside with her. But I could see one of the vampires move…he was coming, and I was crying so hard I couldn't see straight because I wasn't letting her know, and I couldn't move. And what I said, it wasn't what I wanted to say at all.

"I'm sorry, oh god, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…Faith, t-tell Faith…"

The woman's eyes got really wide then, and she moved in closer to me, looking me right in the eyes like she was more than worried now, like she was scared too.

"Faith? You know Faith? Was she with you? Is she hurt? What happened, is she all right? Here," she said, and she slipped her arm around me, trying to support me as she turned her back all the way to the vampires, wanting to help me along. "Come inside with me, child, and tell me-"

I knew it was coming the second she turned her back. I wanted to scream or pull away, push her out of the way, but they were so fast…it seemed like half a second before they had grabbed her and ripped her away from me, throwing her down to the porch step so hard she skidded, smacking her head on one of the steps. She went really still then, and at first I thought she was dead. I screamed, but one of the vampires covered my mouth, grabbed me, and the other two got the woman up and started hauling her towards the van. I knew it was gonna involve Faith too…it was just that it was Faith they really wanted.

And I had just made sure they'd get her.

They threw the woman into the van and slammed the door shut, with the one vampire staying behind with me, his hand still covering my mouth for a while before he finally took it away. They were going to hurt that woman, maybe even kill her…she was someone Faith knew, maybe even loved, someone who gave Faith that huge house and lots of other stuff too probably, and she was so nice to me even before I said Faith's name, before she knew anything about me at all. She was trying to help me, and thinking about that, thinking about Faith, I didn't even try to get away from the vampire holding me or stop crying either.

"You can stop with all of that now, your job is done…great job, very convincing," the vampire smirked, and I turned my head to face him, desperate. He didn't seem in any hurry to go to the others in the van, so I thought maybe there was a chance.

"I take it back…let her go," I said, and my hair was getting in my mouth, hanging in my eyes but I didn't try to wipe it away. "Let her go, take me instead- you can have me…just…"

He looked me over really slow then, my face and all the rest, his eyes staying a while on my neck, and the blood starting to crust and dry on my arms, and his eyes were glinting like he thought I was the funniest thing he'd ever seen…and for just a few seconds, I thought he might do it. I thought maybe he would think I was pathetic enough to actually listen.

But I'm pretty damn stupid.

"Now are you asking me to go back on my word?" he smirked, shaking his head, and giving me a little shake too. "No, a deal's a deal, girl…and didn't I tell you we'd let you go?"

"I-I don't care anymore," I sniffed, gulping for breath and rolling my eyes up to try to stay cool enough to answer where he might actually listen, but I was still shivering so bad I thought I'd never be warm enough, even if I lived long enough to make it to July. "Y-you don't have to…you can…you can have me instead of her…or the Slayer…just let her go."

I sounded like a fucking little punk asshole, I bet, and looked like some weak little girl too, but there was no way I cared, if it might make him listen…I was still hoping he would. That maybe it wasn't too late.

But he shook his head, grinning, my own blood dried on his teeth, and leaned in close to my ear, whispering.

"Sorry, girl…time to carry out our part of the bargain. Time to let you go. Just one thing first though…I'm not gonna kill you…but I don't let ANYONE go alive!"

And then he bit me, one last time, but this bite was the worst of all, worse than all the other bites put together, longer and hurting worse, way worse, like a knife cutting into my throat and digging in deep, but sucking out all the things it hadn't torn through, sucking out all the blood in my body.

This time I couldn't scream. All I could do was kind of slump in his arm with my mouth open, my eyes open too, but I couldn't see anything but the black dots exploding in front of me and couldn't hear anything except the awful sucking noise the vampire was making as he drank, and my heart beat was getting slower and softer as everything blurred and spun all around me. it all hurt so much I didn't even care anymore what would happen next, as long as it would end.

My heart was barely beating when he finally pulled away, holding me up with one arm, and then there was something at my mouth, an arm, maybe, something wet and sort of bitter in my mouth and on my tongue, something that smelled like blood. I swallowed, closing my eyes, and barely felt him drop me to the porch, barely heard him walk away. I guess back to the van.

And that was where I died. Right there on Faith's porch. The rest of it, opening my eyes and figuring out what I was now, and how I was different, what I wanted to do…how much I wanted to hurt and hunt and kill, that all came later.

First, I had to die. I'd done it once before, supposedly, when I faked the car accident after Foxfire blew apart…but dying for real was cold and dark and hurt like hell, and I was all alone. And all the while I was thinking of Faith, of Maddy, and their faces were blurring together so I couldn't even tell who was who anymore, and I opened my mouth to say I was sorry but I couldn't speak. You're my heart, I wanted to say, you're both my heart, but my own heart was stopping and all I could think just before it gave out was please don't let me wake up in hell. Because I never did get to teach them how to fly, and that was all I wanted in an afterlife. Me, Faith, and Maddy, three hawks in the sky, free and strong and so fucking beautiful, on our own.

End


End file.
